Hey I just met you and this is crazy, my husband and I can’t have a baby.

Published December 23, 2012 by krystal

♪ ♫♪ ♫ Hey!  I just met you, and this is crazy, my husband and I can’t have a baby. ♪ ♫♪ ♫

Ok, so that’s not exactly how it went, and the statement isn’t 100% true.  My sweet coworker who I haven’t had the opportunity to get to know very well made a comment to me while traveling, which has inspired this post.  A teaching couple in our village has the most adorable 8 month old boy.  They were at the airport with us, and so I asked to borrow their precious baby.  I was hanging out with the little dude, then my coworker wanted to share.  I let her have him, then she playfully said, “Get your own, you’re married!”  Luckily, I was having a good day, so I just laughed it off.  If it were a bad day, there is a chance I would have been upset for the entire 30 whatever hours of flying.  I very nicely told her later in the trip that we were struggling to have a child and would appreciate it if comments weren’t made again.  She felt terrible about it, even though I told her there was nothing to worry about, after all, I was having a good day.

Our baby problems are not a big secret, at least I don’t think they are, and I definitely don’t want them to be.  I would much rather people know there are problems, than to make potentially hurtful comments without knowing.  If I would have gotten upset over my coworker’s comment, I couldn’t be too mad at her because she didn’t know.  So I think I’m better off just telling people up front.

Seriously though, how do you start that convo?   We could certainly start with, “Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, my husband and I can’t have a baby?”

I don’t want people to know to feel sorry for us.  We both have classrooms full of 15 kids, two fabulous nephews, the most awesome cat on the planet, and not to mention the love of each other.  We’ve got a lot, and tons of reasons to get happy and grateful.

I guess that’s the transition I’m stepping in to.  It’s ok if we don’t have a baby.  It would be a shame to waste these genes, yes, but it would be ok.

Maybe it’s like the 5 stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.  I have definitely have experienced the anger and acceptance. Every time I learn about someone surprisingly/accidently getting pregnant, I would get angry/jealous.  It’s not nearly as bad anymore.  Now I just declare how unfair it is and go about my day.  I guess I’m in the acceptance stage.  I also have a feeling that It’s probably a never ending cycle of anger/jealousy and acceptance.  I guess we will see!

Comments from others try to put me in denial.  Perhaps we will randomly get pregnant on our own naturally, and beat the 2% odds.  I’m gonna go ahead and not bet on it.  If it happened, it would be awesome and a wonderful blessing, it just doesn’t seem realistic.  I could continue, but I’m not going to go back into this.

Maybe one day.

One comment on “Hey I just met you and this is crazy, my husband and I can’t have a baby.

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