TTC

All posts tagged TTC

Vacancy

Published March 13, 2013 by krystal

Last week, before heading to the fertility doctor, I randomly decided to stop following the two or three blogs about difficulties conceiving.  I guess I just kinda got tired of seeing them pop up, plus I never really read them after the first couple of times any way!  I hoped that my fertility struggles would not be as extreme as those.

Friday I visited the doctor.  An ultrasound was done, and showed that everything was normal!   The pipes are working just fine!  It’s a miracle!  It was very exciting news, because let’s just face it–the idea of any fertility drugs is scare-ree!

I called my mom to tell her that I officially have a vacancy sign on my uterus, and maybe somebody will come and make it home for 9 months.  She was excited.  She responded by saying, “So are you going to start trying now, or wait a while?”

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
(That was the sound my heart made when it hit the floor.)

I responded with, “Yeah, we’ll just keep trying.”

We have been trying for a year.  I have indulged on Twin Lab Prenatal vitamins for 12 months now.  Even when the doctor said it wouldn’t happen (without medication) in November, we still tried.  Granted, we weren’t exactly hoping to get pregnant in the first 3 months, but were trying none-the-less.  As it turns out, it didn’t matter anyway, because the Depo shot was still very much in my system, preventing pregnancy.  

Everything should be fine now.  If I’m not pregnant by September, I will go to a doctor in Arkansas.  Until then… we wait.  we try, again.  

I’m not thinking we’re out of the water, free and clear just yet.  There still lies the fact that we’ve worked so hard for this.  Basically, I hope people don’t start in with the crazy comments couples who are TTC often hear.  Until then, we’ll just keep on keepin’ on, but this time, we have an OPK.

ImageLet’s just hope the “NO” part lights up soon!
Krystal*

 

 

Hey I just met you and this is crazy, my husband and I can’t have a baby.

Published December 23, 2012 by krystal

♪ ♫♪ ♫ Hey!  I just met you, and this is crazy, my husband and I can’t have a baby. ♪ ♫♪ ♫

Ok, so that’s not exactly how it went, and the statement isn’t 100% true.  My sweet coworker who I haven’t had the opportunity to get to know very well made a comment to me while traveling, which has inspired this post.  A teaching couple in our village has the most adorable 8 month old boy.  They were at the airport with us, and so I asked to borrow their precious baby.  I was hanging out with the little dude, then my coworker wanted to share.  I let her have him, then she playfully said, “Get your own, you’re married!”  Luckily, I was having a good day, so I just laughed it off.  If it were a bad day, there is a chance I would have been upset for the entire 30 whatever hours of flying.  I very nicely told her later in the trip that we were struggling to have a child and would appreciate it if comments weren’t made again.  She felt terrible about it, even though I told her there was nothing to worry about, after all, I was having a good day.

Our baby problems are not a big secret, at least I don’t think they are, and I definitely don’t want them to be.  I would much rather people know there are problems, than to make potentially hurtful comments without knowing.  If I would have gotten upset over my coworker’s comment, I couldn’t be too mad at her because she didn’t know.  So I think I’m better off just telling people up front.

Seriously though, how do you start that convo?   We could certainly start with, “Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, my husband and I can’t have a baby?”

I don’t want people to know to feel sorry for us.  We both have classrooms full of 15 kids, two fabulous nephews, the most awesome cat on the planet, and not to mention the love of each other.  We’ve got a lot, and tons of reasons to get happy and grateful.

I guess that’s the transition I’m stepping in to.  It’s ok if we don’t have a baby.  It would be a shame to waste these genes, yes, but it would be ok.

Maybe it’s like the 5 stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.  I have definitely have experienced the anger and acceptance. Every time I learn about someone surprisingly/accidently getting pregnant, I would get angry/jealous.  It’s not nearly as bad anymore.  Now I just declare how unfair it is and go about my day.  I guess I’m in the acceptance stage.  I also have a feeling that It’s probably a never ending cycle of anger/jealousy and acceptance.  I guess we will see!

Comments from others try to put me in denial.  Perhaps we will randomly get pregnant on our own naturally, and beat the 2% odds.  I’m gonna go ahead and not bet on it.  If it happened, it would be awesome and a wonderful blessing, it just doesn’t seem realistic.  I could continue, but I’m not going to go back into this.

Maybe one day.
Krystal*

The Joys of Infertility

Published December 4, 2012 by krystal

When you are young, you’re told how not to be a Teen Mom.  That is the rule book for responsible girls with bright futures.  When she and the love of her life are in the position to have a baby, they do what they can and magically, there is a baby on the way!

Except sometimes there isn’t.  Sometimes it just doesn’t happen as nature intended.

That is where we are.  After a 7 month trial, and finding out I have low AMH and Chronic Anovulation, we have sought help.  I will be on drugs in March.  In the mean time, there are some things I have found that totally bother me.

Like when people say:

  • “Are you going to have a baby?”

Maybe.  I don’t know.  Probably not in the next 9 months.  Apparently, it is not appropriate to ask this question anytime.  I assume if a woman has a baby bump, is sitting on the ground screaming that she is in labor might be an appropriate situation to ask the question, but other than that, no.  It is totally not appropriate if she has been trying for 7 months.

  •  “So-and-so tried for 35 years, before they got pregnant will little Johnny.”

That’s fine for so-and-so.  We are not so-and-so.  I am Krystal and my husband is Joey.  I feel terrible for so-and-so and their former fertility issues.  I hope they enjoy little Johnny’s bedtime story tonight.

  • “Just stop stressing about it.  When people stop stressing is usually when they get pregnant.”

The majority of our trying, up until September was just pulling the goal keeper.  I was mildly paying attention, but it was not like a live or die situation.  So… it’s not a stress issue.  I’m less stressed now than I have been in years, or maybe I just know how to handle it better.  Regardless, it has nothing to do with stress, my body is just not working!  Relaxation will not cure my MEDICAL problem.

  • “At least you don’t have to constantly clean/can easily travel/can do anything you want.”

I guess.  My house is not spotless anyway.  I would love to take my child to Disney or the Zoo, or anywhere for that matter.  I’m a kid at heart who likes to play games at Chuck E. Cheese… childless.  I’d rather do everything I want with a baby by my side!  It’s kinda like telling someone who just lost their mom, “At least you don’t have to buy a Mother’s Day gift!”

  • On Facebook:  “This heartburn/morning sickness is the worst!”

Is it?  I’ll trade you!  I’ll take 9 solid months of heartburn to get a baby in the end.  I’ll throw up anytime day or night like a regular bulimic if I get a baby 9 months later!  I really just want to comment on it by saying, “Trade ya!” or “Jealous,”  but somehow that might not be too appropriate, and might make me appear a little crazy.

What do you say?

  • We’re praying for you/sending you good thoughts/sprinkling baby dust on your pictures.
  • Don’t lose hope.  God has a plan for you. (It’s about me, remember, not the couple that tried for 35 years).

More things that bother me:

  • Pee stick pics on Facebook.  I’ve probably taken more pee sticks in the last year than all my 777 friends combined.  I could post them on Facebook, too.  Then again, that just doesn’t seem appropriate.
  • I really wanted a May or June baby, which meant that we would be finding out the gender about now.  I had it all planned out in my head:  we would go to West Virginia for Christmas and simultaneously announce the upcoming birth and gender with the entire family present.  We would ask they keep it a secret so we could have a separate but equal announcement in Arkansas a few days later.  Mason would be incorporated into one of the announcements via video (since he will not make the long journey until summer), and a few hours later the announcement would go out on Facebook.  It would be the happiest Christmas!
  • There is no news to announce, so instead I get to see the Royal Couple and Facebook friends announce that their baby is due exactly when I was hoping for one.  Congrats!  Random FB friend, you have met a guy, started dating, gotten pregnant, engaged, and married in about half the time I’ve been trying!

I wish it were just that easy.

Krystal*

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